The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

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McMullan

The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Fri Dec 04, 2020 11:05 am

I thought I'd take the liberty of starting this thread for any BrewTools fanboys on board. In the name of diversity, I guess. Yay! And maybe it stops more interesting threads getting hijacked.

So I thought I'd kick things off with a discussion on the new BrewTools 'fermenters' and why it's apparently necessary to use something so OTT to ferment something as simple as home brew wort.

image-1.jpeg
:shock:

I'm not sure how many TC ports there are exactly. I lost count :lol: It's more complicated than the kind of sophisticated bioreactors used in pharmaceutical pilot plants, where a lot more than wort is being fermented. I think whoever designed this lacks discipline, frankly. It's extremist. It's not progression in home brew. All I can say, really, to anyone who buys one of these, is keep the manual in a safe place and buy a box of good labels so you know for sure which port you're pulling. By the way, they only cost a couple grand. Each, that is. Optional extras cost more. Obviously. I do wonder, though, if there is a very useful port missing here. A really big one on top. One the owner can open to climb into the fermenter, to hide, when he realises it made f*ck all difference to his beer. Then, when he's got over it, he can spend a day or two cleaning all those ports, valves, etc., before putting it back in its box and noting the whole episode as a 'midlife adventure' lost on belief in fake status and an empty wallet. And a sense of “I’ve been f*cking mugged!”

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vacant
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Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by vacant » Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:40 pm

Yes, utter tosh. There is no way this can produce better beer without it being encircled by a ring of my magic beans to ward off evil spirits. Only £99, I accept PayPal.
I brew therefore I ... I .... forget

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:43 pm

We shouldn't overlook the fact it does have adjustable legs. Not to be scoffed at [-X Very useful, in my honest opinion. Especially after a few home brews.

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Sat Dec 05, 2020 10:56 am

vacant wrote:
Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:40 pm
Yes, utter tosh. There is no way this can produce better beer without it being encircled by a ring of my magic beans to ward off evil spirits. Only £99, I accept PayPal.
I do like the sound of those magic beans. Do they ward off hangovers too? Do you offer any special deals this time of year? What about 2 bags for £250?

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Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by WalesAles » Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:36 pm

It needs one of these as well.......https://www.pinterest.com/pin/455567318555877229/

Useless otherwise! :D

WA

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Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by vacant » Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:47 pm

McMullan wrote:
Sat Dec 05, 2020 10:56 am
What about 2 bags for £250?
Members can use discount code JIMSBK for free delivery to under your pillow.
I brew therefore I ... I .... forget

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Sun Dec 06, 2020 8:08 pm

WalesAles wrote:
Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:36 pm
It needs one of these as well.......https://www.pinterest.com/pin/455567318555877229/

Useless otherwise! :D

WA
Absolutely! If you can’t clamp on a Flux Capacitor, to travel back to the 80s, what’s the f*cking point?

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Mon Dec 07, 2020 6:48 pm

Has anyone lost any of vacant's magic beans? I was just wondering, you know? [do do do da da doo] :shock:

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Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by Hanglow » Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:00 pm

:lol: Just wait till you find out how much some mugs spend on golf as a hobby. Or cycling/motocross/rallying/photography/music/guitars/pokemon cards etc etc etc.

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:42 pm

4cd97a1600106a24f6f091b91087b5fa--my-dad-my-husband.jpg

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:50 pm

I can see now how ridiculous I’ve been, so, after a lot of thought, I've decided to sell my main fermenter.

pilot-pilot-1000x1182.jpg

I know, it is a little bit OTT in terms of being able to automatically pitch up to 4 yeast strains separately, from the other side of the world - possibly the moon - whilst you’re asleep, but I'm happy to sell it with just one peristaltic pump, if that's all the buyer's looking for. Lab bottles not included. I am assuming any potential buyer has paid for his house - a big f*ck-off mansion in the most popular location, location, location - and has buyers beating down the door with suitcases full of cash. I only accept cash. Offers by appointment only. I only accept cash. I'm happy to offer a JIMSBK code for free deliver before Christmas, making it an absolute bargain, potentially, especially as it comes with a bag of vacant’s magic beans, which I’m hoping arrive any night now. Note it has a porridge setting, if that's your thing. And it can be used as a bread maker, too, when you’re not fermenting wort in it. I only accept cash. It makes very nice pizza dough as well. Although it does ship from Nigeria, so there’s no guarantee it’s going to arrive before Christmas. Generally, to be honest, not just this year. I actually have two of these. No, three. If anyone else is interested. Actually, I have a warehouse full of them, in Nigeria, if enough people are interested in a group buy. Did I mention I only accept cash? Just transfer the money then get in touch :D
Last edited by McMullan on Tue Dec 08, 2020 8:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:57 pm

Hanglow wrote:
Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:00 pm
:lol: Just wait till you find out how much some mugs spend on golf as a hobby. Or cycling/motocross/rallying/photography/music/guitars/pokemon cards etc etc etc.


:lol:

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Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by Cobnut » Wed Dec 09, 2020 11:37 am

Hanglow wrote:
Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:00 pm
:lol: Just wait till you find out how much some mugs spend on golf as a hobby. Or cycling/motocross/rallying/photography/music/guitars/pokemon cards etc etc etc.
I've spent plenty on photography kit (most still in a cupboard) and another decent sum on guitar/bass/amplifiers/microphones/etc. for an earlier mid-life crisis before accepting that there are very many people with more musical ability in their little toe than I have in my entire body!

I do occasionally take a decent photo with a real camera, though, but more often than not, I'll "snap" stuff using my phone :-/
Fermenting: nowt
Conditioning: English IPA/Bretted English IPA
Drinking: Sunshine Marmalade, Festbier, Helles Bock, Smokey lagery beer, Irish Export StoutCascade APA (homegrown hops), Orval clone, Impy stout, Duvel clone, Conestoga (American Barley wine)
Planning: Dark Mild, Kozel dark (ish), Simmonds Bitter, Bitter, Citra PA and more!

McMullan

Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by McMullan » Wed Dec 09, 2020 5:55 pm

But I bet most of what you’ve wasted money on worked, even if you couldn’t shred with your little toe.

The Brewtools ‘onesie’ is a poorly designed system that tends to suffer from a stuck mash with associated problems. If I’d spent that much on a shiny onesie I wouldn’t expect there to be a problem like this - I’d have expected the people who designed it to have had a clue. Especially for that price. It's not like someone down the pub knocked it together as a favour, is it? I wouldn’t expect to be sold a f*cking overflow pipe as a 'fix'. That's toilet cistern technology. It kind of ignores why brewers steep grains and forces the process in the opposite direction.

Fanboy ahoy:



#-o
Last edited by McMullan on Thu Dec 10, 2020 8:17 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The BrewTools Fanboy Thread

Post by IPA » Wed Dec 09, 2020 6:04 pm

Cobnut wrote:
Wed Dec 09, 2020 11:37 am
Hanglow wrote:
Mon Dec 07, 2020 9:00 pm
:lol: Just wait till you find out how much some mugs spend on golf as a hobby. Or cycling/motocross/rallying/photography/music/guitars/pokemon cards etc etc etc.
I've spent plenty on photography kit (most still in a cupboard) and another decent sum on guitar/bass/amplifiers/microphones/etc. for an earlier mid-life crisis before accepting that there are very many people with more musical ability in their little toe than I have in my entire body!

I do occasionally take a decent photo with a real camera, though, but more often than not, I'll "snap" stuff using my phone :-/
I hope you have kept your photographic skills and don't hold your phone vertically when "snapping". :lol: :lol:
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